Living in the Moment

Last month my mom and I went on a little mini vacation.  We drove out to the Kootenays in British Columbia, Canada and did a road trip of three hot springs.  We went to Ainsworth, Nakusp and Halcyon.  We had a really great time, and I was reminded how I really need to be grateful for the things that I can do, and that I get to do.  It's a privilege to have time together with my mom, and be able to do road trips together.  I know it won't last forever, so I need to be thankful for the times that we get to make some memories together.

Sometimes I get frustrated with the small things.  You know the daily things that can irritate and take away from the moment.  This happens to me sometimes when I am travelling too.  I might have an agenda that's simply too jam packed full with stuff, and then I start to focus in on what I am missing, instead of enjoying the here and now, and fully taking in what I actually get to do, see and experience.

It's actually hard to live in the moment.  It's hard to just enjoy the day as it unfolds infront of you.  It's hard to always ignore the past and not contemplate the future.  But living in the moment without the drudgery of the past and the uncertainty of the future is an amazing spot to be in.  In the moments that this can be achieved, life is vibrant.

So how do we achieve that state of 'living in the moment?'

1.  Be thankful/grateful for the current moment - that it exists in your world.  Don't clutter it with things from the past, or anticipations of the future.  Just let it be there - on its own.

2.  Make sure your mind is present.  Don't just be there physically, but concentrate on right now.  What do you sense?  Use all your senses - smell, listen, see, touch.  Soak it all in so that you are enveloped in it - right now.

3.  Love yourself, love the ones you are with.  Don't get lost in the irritations of everyday.  Ignore those, and just be.

4.  Be mindful of your thoughts.  You have to always corral them to be in the present - and not let them get away with drawing your attention elsewhere.  It's like a meditation - to be available at the moment.

5.  At any given moment just allow the joy of your experience to wash over you.  It will help keep you in the here and now.  It's when you let go of those moments of purity, that you loose the connection to the moment, and allow other things to clutter.

I'm grateful that I had this time with my mom.  It also reminded me to be more present and enjoy the good times while they are here.    

Tweaking Our Stories for Meaning

I posted earlier a small piece about the stories that we tell each other.  The stories that we tell each other come from the scenarios that we create for ourselves.  We create who we are, thru our actions or inactions, how we decide to spend our time and what we spend time thinking about.

For us to have a life with a good story, we have to cultivate it, and make it interesting.  At the same time that we are living our stories, we can also weave compassion and kindness into them.     Adventures make for interesting tales, but compassion makes our journey meaningful.

Compassion is living a life in the service of others.  Even though this implies a selfless endeavour, Helping others actually helps ourselves.  It nourishes our souls and grows our capacity for loving kindness.  So what does 'living our lives in the service of others' entail?  What can we do to achieve this?

The obvious one, and one of the easiest to start with is doing some charity work.  We can start with something fairly non-committal like fundraising for a cause, or dive into it a bit deeper and do some hands on work with people.  Volunteering at a hospice house, or a soup kitchen.

More spur of the moment compassion involves random acts of kindness such as helping somebody out at the grocery store that doesn't have enough money, or offering a coffee and a bit of company to a street person.

Sometimes we just need to be kinder to our own families and/or coworkers.  We can judge less, and cultivate a closer sense of community.  Offer some help even when it's not expected.

Reach out and touch someone - literally!!  Human beings crave contact.  We need to be hugged, loved, and cared for, yet so often we neglect to do these simple acts.

Let's get out out there and start weaving our personal stories with servitude, love and kindness!!

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Mohandas Gandhi

Hugs and Smiles! 😃

A couple of days ago while walking down the street I saw one of the girls from my running group.  A really nice gal that I only just recently had my first chat with.  As soon as she saw me, she walked over and gave me a hug and exclaimed how she missed the running group so much and couldn't wait until the group banded back together again.  It was so random, this hug.  I don't know her well, but in that instance she made me feel so good.  I had a smile on my face for the rest of the day, and my mood had been uplifted.  Since that moment, I've been consciously thinking about giving out more hugs to people.  It's not natural for me at this point, but I'm loving the reactions I get, and the smiles that I put not just on the faces of others, but on myself as well!

I encourage you to give a few random hugs today and see for yourself the positivity that flows from such a simple act of kindness.

Handling Negative Emotions

As humans we have many different emotions that can crop up.  Some of these emotions such as anger, some types of fear, jealousy etc take away from ability to show compassion.  These emotions need to be controlled.  When we feel emotions such as anger, our judgement becomes compromised, and we react without intention, and become more open to hurting others.  It is only with a clear mind that we can make proper choices.

Negative emotions also cause health issues.  High blood pressure, depression, heart and stroke issues, are just a few of the ailments that arise because the wrong emotions are running rampant in our bodies.  In order to be healthy in our bodies and develop our compassionate side, we must become familiar with these emotions and familiar with the signs that they are developing, so that we can restrain these negative emotions before they take hold.  

Being able to remove negative emotions before they have a chance to fester allows us to have more clarity over the issue and develop positive solutions to these problems.  Once we have been infected we loose control over out judgement, and that is when we start to hurt others, and hurt ourselves.

How can we get control over our negative emotions?  One way is to become familiar with them, and contemplate them.  We can develop new patterns, so that once an emotion like anger is invoked, we already realize that it is coming and we can have some 'medicine' available to us.  We can catch it before it takes over and remind ourselves how we have planned to react, and learn to push the angry emotion away.  

Mindfulness of ourselves is key.  This can be developed consciously, thru a practice of confronting these emotions in a thoughtful manner when we are not in that state, but of a clear mind and reviewing how we are going to react the next time those feelings come up.  A few minutes meditating on this every week is a good way to start.  

Steps to learning how to handle negative emotions:

• Be mindful of the emotions that we are feeling in any given situation.
• Become familiar with these emotions and when and how they are invoked, so that you can learn to see it happening.
• Contemplate these negative emotions and become familiar with them.  This can be done a few minutes for a few times a week perhaps during a meditation.
• Think about how you can replace these negative emotions with a more constructive response.
• Commit to being intentional and mindful about your emotions, and practice, practice, practice.
• Don't connect to negative emotions if you slip up, or it takes a while to get the hang of it.  Have compassion for yourself too!!  

Enviornmental Compassion

In the book that I touched on earlier 'A Force for Good', about the Dalai Lama's vision for the future of humanity, he recgnizes the fact that we must protect our environment and nature.  For without it, we can not exist.

Sometimes it's easy to look around the earth and see the massive destruction that is happening, that we as individuals have no control over, and think that what we do on a personal level has no impact and therefore we may throw up our hands and not be as vigilant as we could be.  But what we need to keep in mind is that every little bit helps.  If we all do our best to be kind to the environment at every moment, and try to help others adopt similar practices it will make a difference.  10 small gestures by 1 individual, could turn into 10 small gestures by 1 billion people and the impact would be awe-inspiring!!

Here are 10 simple things that I am intentional about in my everyday life to have a better impact on the environment:

1.  Reusable shopping bags.  I have two to three nylon bags that fold up so small I can throw them in my purse.  I leave them there always and so I always have some bags available for shopping.  I also keep some of the larger reusable bags in the car for bigger shopping days when I go to multiple locations.

2.  Travel coffe cups.  I keep one in my car at all times, so on those occasions when I need a coffee on the go I don't have to use a paper cup.

3.  Recycle.  Our city has need recycling super easy.  We have three garbage bins provided by the city.  One for garbage, one for recycling, and one for garden debris.  The only thing I have to deal with separately is glass.

4.  Re-use.  Simple things like plastic bags can always have a secondary use.  Freezer bags can be washed out and reused.  Computer paper can be printed on both sides, or the unprinted side can be used for scrap paper for writing notes or shopping lists.

5.  Donate.  Clothes, shoes, furniture, housewares etc can be donated to organizations that help people in need.

6.  Pick up the garbage of others.  I do a lot of hiking and trail running.  When I am on the trails, and I see some garbage I pick it up to properly dispose of later.

7.  Purchase less.  I try to think about my consumption, and try to stick more to needs rather than wants.  If we all consumed less, then less resources would have to be converted, which is a huge addition to the global carbon footprint.

8.  Keep vehicles in good maintenance.  I look after my vehicle to ensure that it is running at its best. I recently just purchased a VW diesel Golf, which as far as pollution goes it is a very clean burning engine.  Also the mileage is tremendous - so less fuel being burnt per km.  I wish I could say that I substitute riding my bike to work sometimes, but my situation right now currently does not allow for that.

9.  Turn off lights when it's not necessary to have them on.  This is so simple, yet I'm not so great at it.  Mostly during the year when I get up and its dark, but by the time I leave the house it's light out, I often leave the house because it's not readily apparent that the lights are on .  .  .  Need to be more intentional here.

10.  Spread the word.  Help others become intentional, and develop good practices to be good to the environment.  Every little bit counts!!

How's it Going So Far?

Well here I am.  About 6 months into living a more meaningful, compassionate life.  How do I feel?  What have I learned?  How am I progressing?

Living with intention and awareness

  Writing about compassion has definitely helped me be more intentional.  It keeps in the forefront of my thoughts so that I am thinking about it more frequently.  In the past I've always had trouble with that, but writing the blog is a huge help.

  Also, I just love seeing compassionate gestures in people, and really noticing and celebrating those moments.  It reminds me, especially when those terrible moments come up in the news, or when life throws a little bit of a curveball at you, that we must persevere.  We must, because there is goodness all around.  We just need to collectively unleash it and spread the energy.

Control over negative thoughts/emotions

  There are days when I feel like 'I've got this'.  And then there are days when I think how come this is so hard.  It's definitely a work in progress, but I've noticed that because I am always thinking about it at least I am aware of my thoughts and can take actions to try to change them.  Being aware allows me to take action sooner.  Whereas before I may have 'hung out' with the negative emotions for a longer period of time.

Not being so quick to judge

I definitely at times still have a tendency to pass judgement, or jump to certain conclusions about things.  But I am able to catch myself now and think about others ways that I could perceive events or circumstances.  I try to find a bit of grace in my thought process, and look for things to take my biases away.  It's tricky to realize that we make judgement about a lot of things, sometimes without really being aware.  We just let our minds take control.  But we need to harness our minds and take control, and tell it what it really needs to think.

Reaching out to others

This is the last one that I've been working on.  It's probably the most difficult for me.  I don't know if I posted previously, but about 6 weeks ago I was with a group of people in Rossland doing a trail running camp and my running coach had us pull some type of a 'tarot' card.  My card was the 'quiet' card.  Now there are lots of ways to interpret that card, but I chose it to mean that I should be more quiet.  I was so pissed off at the card that I made my first attempt to be the exact opposite!  And I've been working at it ever since.  Guess what?  It makes me happier in a group setting to put myself out there and participated!  I'm not saying I turned into a social butterfly, but I am saying that I've made an effort.  My goal for this fall when I go to Cuba is to collect a few stories from the locals. I guess we'll see how it works out.

These are some of the things I've been working on - but how do they make me a more compassionate person?  By developing and getting control over my mind, and being mindful of what I want to accomplish has allowed me to focus on being compassionate.  I look for the good in people more, and am not so critical over perceived 'faults' or 'wrong doings'.  Things roll off my back easier, and I am more concerned about being able to communicate better with people, and hopefully touch their lives positively.  I try to put myself in the other persons shoes as much as possible, and don't sweat the small stuff.

As the saying goes, be soft on people, and hard on tasks.

Compassion in Business?

So does compassion exist in business dealings?  Should it exist in business?  Or is it OK to say that business is business, and follows a complete different set of rules?

Of course compassion should exist in business decisions!!  What kind of a question was that?!  It's amazing however, how so often business decisions seem to fall under a different set of rules.  And people convince themselves that it's all fine and good because business is business and is separate from the individual.  Ultimately I think if you can convince yourself that being ruthless in business is OK, then you can't convince me that you are a compassionate and kind person outside of business.  You might be able to present that to a point, but somewhere the two ideas have to marry up.

I see a lot of bad judgement when it comes to business.  I'm not saying that you can't make the hard decisions.  And I'm also not saying that sometimes when those decisions are necessary that you are not going to end up hurting another individual to some degree.  But let me tell you, it's not usually the the business decision that is wrong, it's the execution of that decsion - how you go about getting the end result that matters.  Even hard business decision can be executed with compassion, but usually they are not.  People often tend to take the hardline approach, and the 'how' becomes painful and hurtful.

Whatever decisions we make in business, they must be tempered with a solution based in compassion, and I guarantee the end result will be on friendlier terms.  You will have gained respect from the people involved, and from the onlookers.  Just keep compassion as the driving factor for your solutions, and you'll be sleeping better at night!

Tears for Cecil

I write a lot about compassion between people.  But compassion extends to everything.  It includes, nature - the earth, our environment, animals.

I have been deeply saddened by the killing of Cecil the lion.  And even more than that, by the reasons for the killing.  I find it hard to believe that there are groups of individuals out there that kill simply for a trophy.  And to think that symbol could possibly mean to those individuals their superiority over others for 'having' something rare and forbidden.  Why is it that we tend to feel great and special just because we 'have' something that somebody else does not?

Another post I read was that "if we are playing the blame game then maybe we should blame poverty and corruption".  Corruption can defiantly be blamed, but can poverty?  I know from my own experiences thru travel to developing countries that there's a lot of people trying to make a buck any way they can.  But is OK to blame poverty?  Do we not all make choices with our personal moral compasses?  For every person that is willing to do wrong, to feel like they are simply 'doing what they need to do to survive' - does it make their actions acceptable and OK?

In life I think there are always people that take advantage and people that don't.  Whether we're poor, rich or otherwise.  Is it OK to say poverty is the reason we make poor decisions?  I don't think so. I think we are all responsible for our actions and decisions.  Yes, poverty can easily provoke somebody to make the wrong decision and not listen to their moral compass.  But it's the enablers, the people that make the transaction possible the real reasons behind the events.  In this case it's the officials that turned a blind eye, and provided the supply, and it's even more so the individuals that demand the supply.

It's similar to this story:  Many years ago my dad's friend was lamenting about a news article regarding Salmon in BC and the dwindling supply.  He then went on about how wrong it was that first nations people had the right to fish whatever they wanted - (for their person use.)  And it was their fault.  I was young at the time and couldn't help but open my mouth and tell him 'well if people didn't buy the fish from the first nations people, (as it was not legal to do so) - like you do (at a much reduced price) - then I guess  they wouldn't fish so much ".  .  . demand creates the supply.

The solution?  I honestly don't know.  Education is key.  Education for everyone.  We should be teaching compassion in schools from an early age and making it a central focus.  It takes time to change a culture.  But if you look over the history of people, slowly but surely we are as a whole becoming a kinder more compassionate group.

Teachings from the Rossland Broken Goat 50 km

This weekend I ran my 3rd 50 km race in 2 years - The Broken Goat.  It was a spectacular event.  If anyone has ever been to Rossland on the 7 summits trail you will understand what I mean when I refer to its stunning vistas and gnarly terrain.  If you have never been there, you should go.

Photo:  Ryan Flett Media

The race went something like this:  Starting at the Nancy Green Summit, situated at 1575 meters began a slow ascent of about 9 km to Mount Plewman.  A no trail scramble up about 100 meters to the top - At 2,241 meters.  Back down Plewman to the trail, some down hill and then then the climb up to the top of Old Glory at 2'370 meters, back down and up to the main trail 17km done. Some low grade downhill and finally the first aid station at km 25.  From there we had an out and back to the the top of record ridge at 2,025 meters, and then over to summit Granite Mtn at 2,036 meters.  The trail over to Granite was unique.  A sea of large rocks that we had to navigate through, and then up a small climb over the rocks.   From here it was a long 5km descent down a service road to the base of red mountain.  Now here is where the real fun started.  Straight up Red Mountain starting at km 38 - it's about 600 meters in 1.7km. Followed by what would have been some sweet downhill if I had not been so wiped from the climb.  Final aid station and final 4 km - wouldn't you know - one final climb to just before the finish line where we finished on a slight downhill track.  Thankful it was over!!

 Anyways it's not the run I want to talk about.  I want to tell you about Rene Unser, the race director.  She is a joy to be around.  Not only is she the organizer, owner and race director of the event, but she also runs P.A.C.E. Sports Fitness, a trail running coach in Kelowna, BC , Canada.  (P.A.C.E. - Positive Attitude Changes Everything).  But let me focus on the race, because it was here that I truly was able to figure out what I wanted to tell you about Rene.

Rene is somebody who has found their sweet spot in life.  She is doing, I believe what she is meant to do.  And it's not coaching people how to run - although she is a fantastic coach.  Rene makes people feel good about themselves.  She stood out at the finish line with her pompoms and gave everybody a hug.  Not a high five, not a congratulatory handshake, but a ginormous hug.  When you arrive at the finish line she has a personalized message for everyone, she makes you feel that she has been waiting there, all day, just for you.  :)  It's really quite remarkable and special.

But it also goes beyond that.  She has such a passion and love for what she does, and she connects to people by being honest and vulnerable.  At the awards ceremony you just could not help but see it.  She hand made medals for the event at the local pottery studio, she selected 1st 2nd and 3rd prizes that held meaning to her, and passed that meaning onto the recipients.

She has compassion for people.  The evening before the race she spoke to people on the trail perhaps getting injured, or tired and unable to continue.  She said anybody that stops in one of her races and forgoes their race to help a fellow racer would forever have free entry into her race.  That evening at the awards ceremony 5 people were honoured and singled out for their assistance to people that needed it.  And true to her word, all five will forever have free entrance into her race.

The Dalai Lama has always said that we need to have connections with people.  These connections allow for us to be happy, and kind and compassionate.  I am more reclusive myself.  My study of compassion and looking for examples of it in everyday life has enabled me to slowly be able to open up more to people.  I am now looking for peoples stories, and try to share more of my own stories.  But it has not just been my study of compassion, but it has also been thru having contact with people like Rene, and other in the running group that really has shown me how great it can be.  Grateful to have these people in my life! 

Stories

I trail run with a group of people.  We run over mountains training for distances of 50km and longer.  I love it.  I love running with the group.  They are a truly compassionate and inspirational bunch!  Our running coach fosters that feeling in our group.  Training and doing well is important, but supporting each other, being kind and engaging new members of the group is also important.  She has truly done a excellent job of building community, and inspiring us all.

One of the gals I run with is working on her masters degree - I believe it's her second masters.  She is writing (in a nutshell) about the stories that people tell, and how they affect us, and push us to have perhaps a deeper understanding of who we are, who others are, and how it all fits together in this crazy place we call our world.  At least that is how I interpreted it.  You can read her blog here and see what you think.

She's in here somewhere!!

The connections we make with people are integral to our wellbeing, and to becoming a more compassionate individual.  We need each other to increase our level of happiness.  Sharing our thoughts and experiences through the rhetoric that we call our stories enables us to build our sense of community and acceptance amongst the tribe.  We are all interconnected, and we are all human beings with something unique and special to share.

Sadly, this sharing of stories can be a very difficult thing for some people.  But because of people that reach out beyond what is expected and keep sharing their stories, and asking for yours, it eventually maybe becomes a little bit easier to finally make that connection.

Carrie, who is working on her thesis, is exceptional at sharing and drawing out the stories of others.  She is genuinely interested and has a wonderful capacity for making people feel more at ease.  The topic she is writing about is certainly something she can be passionate about.

While it may not be everybody's forte, we can certainly all learn to be better.  Let's focus on being compassionate towards each other, and the next time you meet a new person, or a distant acquaintance, why don't you try to get them to tell you a story?  Maybe even after sharing one of your own?!

A Force for Good

I am reading this book A Force for Good.   It's about the Dalai Lama's vision for the world.  The Dalai Lama consistently talks about being compassionate, and kind.  He wants us to care about one another; regard each other as equals, regardless of color, economic status, country of origin etc.  He's teaching us a concept of universal oneness.

I have never personally met this man, but I have attended his talks, and all I can say is that I love being in his presence.  I don't know how to explain it, but he exudes such a feeling of goodness, and everything that is right with our world.  Every now and again our world shines with this type of individual.  But we need more.  We all need to model after these individuals that represent peace and goodness, to make our world a better place.

One of the places he suggests we start is of course with ourselves.  I touched briefly on this with an earlier post called Practice A Little Bit of Self Discipline.

He expands on that by asking that we take responsibility for managing our minds, and mastering control over negative emotions, and cultivating our positive emotions.  He asks us to challenge the status quo of corruption, bias, greed, and look towards reaching out and caring for others, protecting each other from injustices and having concern for our environment.

Most of his solutions are tied to compassion.  But being compassionate is far more reaching than you may think.  It's not just being kind, but it's also protecting yourself from harm, and negative influences.  It's about standing up for your rights and the rights of others while recognizing that you do this from a core point of compassion.  It's about controlling your emotions so that you stand up from a position of clarity, and not anger.  It's about acting from positive emotion, not the negative or destructive emotions that often fuel our desire for standing up for ourselves.  It's recognizing that we need to stand up from a position of integrity, and protect what is right, but not diminish or harm the person that has wronged us.

It's great to think about being compassionate, but without action it mean very little.  He urges us to act.  Without action, compassion is simply an idea, or a word.  It doesn't really mean anything until we act on it.  So start with yourself.  Be kind, help others, stand up from a position of clarity.  Confront what is wrong and stand up for those that cannot stand up for themselves.

It is for these reasons that we must learn to control our emotions, and our minds.  It's a great book, a recommended read.  I'll probably be writing a little more about it.

Observer of Compassion

Yesterday I went with my mom to visit one of her friends whose wife had recently passed away.  About 20 years earlier he had suffered a brain aneurysm and really can't say too much or understand too much anymore.  I'm honestly not even sure if he really understands that his wife is dead, or perhaps he does, but just has no emotional capacity or able to express himself.  He's not in the best of ways.

My mom goes way back with this couple.  They were already friends in Germany, and then travelled together from Germany on a big ship and took a train across Canada to end up in Vancouver, BC.  My mom is now 76 years old.

I don't really know her to be so soft and gentle, but when she spoke to her friend, I saw a side of her that I don't always see.  You could see in her eyes and in her face how much she cared.  She spoke ever so softly to him about things from a long time ago, because that is what he remembers.  It's not easy to hold a conversation when you don't get much of a response, but she managed it beautifully.

In that moment when I was observing this compassionate gesture, I felt warm.  Everything else seemed unimportant, and I just let the moment wash over me.  I felt really good.  Showing compassion in life reaches much further than just the the people it is directed at.  It magnifies, and touches the people around you as well.  Imagine if we could get the majority of the people in the world to be compassionate at the same time.  What kind of an impact do you think that would make?

Finding My Compassion

It's been a long while since I last posted. My job keeps me quite busy at times, and this spring it's been crazy.  Working too much, and no time for family, hobbies, myself. . .

My husband as usual has been amazing.  Supportive and caring.  I often wonder if I would be as selfless as him if the situation was reversed . . . I can only hope so!!

Yesterday I was at a celebration of life for an old friend of my parents.  I had connection to the woman when I was younger, but as I got older, not so much anymore.  I went mainly for my parents.  It was an odd situation. . . I won't get into the details, but stories had been circulating for years in their circle of friends about their son.  What he was, or wasn't.

Over the last 20 years I had also formed an opinion on the son, and the situation, based solely on what I had heard.  A lot of it based on speculation, some on what I saw, and some facts that were known to be true.  I learned something about judging others yesterday, and forming opinions.  The sons daughter got up to speak about her grandmother, and thru her speech she a few times eluded to her father, and how her grandmother had to endure things far more than any one person should have to.

For the first time I really understood that no matter what had or had not transpired, it didn't necessarily make the son a bad person . . .  We all have varying levels of skills and tools to cope with life, and sometimes some people have a little bit harder time of it than others.  What really mattered is that he had three children that loved both him and their grandmother, and it was a devastating time in their lives.  My heart opened and allowed compassion to enter, and I felt good.

Compassionate Surprise!! :)

As you may be aware I am an avid runner.  I run with a running group on Wednesdays and Sunday's.  I recently split from the slower group to the faster group.  So I went from the top of my old group to the bottom of my new group.  So basically I'm last all the time.  Wednesday night is our speed and strength workout.  I'm in the middle of nowhere.  I'm faster than the B group, but slower than the A group.  During our long Sunday runs I hold my own.  I'm consistent over the downs, the flats and the ups, but most of my group is really strong on the ups, but perhaps have trouble with the downs.

Anyways, Wednesday was all about the hills.  So I fell behind in my group.  My 1/2 hr took a little longer than the rest of the group so I was faced with doing my cool down by myself.  When I got to the bottom my group was just finishing their cool down.  But I saw a couple starting a loop.  So I ran to catch up.  And would 't you know.  The girl sees me and says "oh I am so glad you are here!  I asked 'Kevin' to run another cool down loop with me because I hadn't seen you yet and my worst fear is that everyone will leave without me and I didn't want that to happen to you."

Can you find Lucy!!

Is that not compassion!?  Compassion and kindness like you want to experience it, and compassion like you want to give it!.  Thanks Lucy!!  Appreciated it!! 💛

Compassion for Yourself

Having compassion towards yourself, being kind to yourself, can at times be very difficult.  Sometimes, at work I can become very stressed with the sheer volume of work that needs to get done.       I can also get very stressed because things aren't going as smoothly as I'd like.  Especially when an error pops up.  I get extremely stressed.  These last few weeks I've had a few things come up that upset me.  Partially my error, and partially not.  The thing is that I dwell too much on what is wrong, and my self confidence plummets.

It is during these times that I need to be aware of what's going on internally.  I need to remind myself to stop with the down talk, and be a little bit kinder to myself.  It's a good opportunity to practice compassion towards yourself and remind yourself of all the good that you are, and let go of the moments that are causing you grief.

I find this very difficult.  However, if I keep resetting my mindset by being intentionally aware of what is going on internally and make a concerted effort to change that negative self talk, I can overcome this obstacle.  It doesn't happen overnight, but little bit by little bit, I feel a change.  Stress ever so slowly leaves the body, and self acceptance comes back.

It's a work in progress.  But the key is to be kind to yourself.  If somebody else had made the error, you wouldn't be that hard on them, so treat yourself as you would others . . .being compassionate to yourself is integral to having compassion for others.  If you can't give yourself compassion, how can you give it to somebody else . . .

Sand Mandala - Kathmandu, Nepal

Practice a Little Bit of Self Discipline

Monks getting their daily food rations.

The ability to show compassion in difficult circumstances can be difficult.  It's a work in progress - always.

I've noticed lately that when I let myself indulge in too many things, like eating way to many candy, or other junk food, or letting myself slack and not go to the gym, or being lazy and hanging out too much on the computer, without really doing anything, I notice that everything starts to slide.

By not practicing self discipline in my daily life,  it becomes easier for my thoughts to 'take control'.  And when my thoughts start to accumulate strength, I become a weaker person.  It's harder to get back on track with the things that are important to me, and I start to do more of the things that create negativity in my life.

There is a definite correlation between practicing a certain amount of self discipline in my daily routine that builds my inner strength and allows me to be more intentional in my actions.

Being strong in my mind, helps me find the ability to show compassion and kindness in difficult circumstances.  In order to be strong in mind, one must be able to harness the mind and direct its energy in a positive way.  I find this easier when I practice a little bit of self control in my daily living.

Changing Your Mindset

One of the things that I like to do is trail running.  I run with a running group and this Sunday was a huge challenge for me.  I've been off from running for a few months and just started getting back into running Mid December, with a consistent effort in January.  This week our long Sunday run consisted of hill repeats for 3 hours.

Amazing day we had!

By my second descent my coach asked me how I was doing, and I said to her, flat out 'I can't do 3 hours of this'.  She said that's fine, just do your best, and if you feel you've done enough then just do the out and back to Clifton Rd and get your three hours in.  I thought oh what a relief, and continued my descent.

Long steep climb!

On the descent an interesting mind shift happened.  I was no longer thinking about 'three hours of brutal torture', but rather that my new plan was just taking it one repeat at a time, and checking in with myself at the start of each repeat, and asking myself can you do another one, or do do you need to take the out and back.  I'm happy to report that I made 6 repeats in total, and completed all 3 hours!!

All this happened simply because I shifted my mindset, and started to break down the big challenge into a series of smaller ones.

Changing my mindset to overcome challenges etc is something I am familiar with, but sometimes, it's easy to get caught up in the pain or the stress that the here and now is presenting.  Sometimes we need a little bit of a reminder that if you change your outlook, you change your circumstances.  This is a very powerful tool that can be used to dispel feelings of inadequacy, fear, discomfort etc and replace them with happiness, courage, acceptance and perseverance.

Changing our point of reference. Also allows us to become more compassionate people towards one another, ourselves and our circumstances.  Try to remember that and use this tool the next time you have an opportunity to change you way of thinking to the better!

Sharing Compassion

What is it with all these sayings and 'posters' that are disguised as positive vibes.  You know the ones that suggest that there are people that drain you and you should keep them out of you life.  

Do these have anything to do with compassion and kindness?  And if they don't, does intentionally cutting somebody out of your life generate happiness . . . for anyone?

What if some people just don't have the ability to generate enough goodwill, positive feelings and joyful moments for themselves?  Is it the responsibility of people that can generate enough, and then some, to pass it around?  And then in doing so, it would no longer be required to cut loose those people that can't generate it for themselves, but perhaps it could be an act of kindness or compassion by those that have enough to give  it away.  It's a balancing act between protecting yourself, and being compassionate in these circumstances.

The Dalai Lama says:  "Cultivating care and concern for others gives rise to a kind of inner strength.  No matter what difficulties or problems you face, in this wider context the'll seem less significant and troubling to you.  The inner strength, self confidence and courage you gain by focussing on others needs, instead of your own, brings with it a deep calm sense of satisfaction."

Compassionate Relationships

Recently I read this post and it shocked me.  It shocked me because I saw a little bit of myself in this post, and it didn't make me feel good.  Since reading this, I've tried to be more mindful of these little things that we tend to blow out of proportion, and have a better carefree attitude towards them.  I still catch myself on occasion, or my husband will say something that triggers me to remember my intention, and I will immediately smile, and lighten it up - make a joke about it, and drop 'the rant'.

I haven't mentioned anything to him about my intentional effort to do this. So it's very interesting to see how this tiny change in my behaviour has actually impacted our relationship.  I think he's noticed this shift in my behaviour, and in a very short while, he has also changed.  We argue a little less, we have better conversations, and we share each others thoughts and opinions more.

In one of the Dalai Lama's books, 'The Wisdom of Compassion' a woman had posed a question to the Dalai Lama.  The question was about why we tend to be the worst to the ones that we love the most.  His answer: "We tend to expect too much from the people that are closest to us.  We develop unrealistic expectations and project non-existent qualities onto them.  We should simply accept their flaws.  This lessens potential disappointment and reduces anger".

Once again, I can only say that he is right!!  I fell in love with my husband for a reason.  Over time that reason can get overshadowed by many things in life that are coming at us from everywhere.  It's important to remember what it was that made us fall in love with each other to begin with, and keep it in the forefront, and in sight.  People are always changing and evolving,  What interests us, the things we like to do etc all change.  Some of my changes have had a big impact in the amount of time we spend together.  And I have struggled with that.  But even though we have different interests, he is still the kind, patient, supportive hard working man that he was before.  And he's just as handsome now as the day I met him!!

My husband an I

Relationships are hard, and we have to work at them.  But the more we can accept each other just as we are, and remember to not 'sweat the small stuff', we can cultivate and maintain a healthy loving relationship.

Why Post On Compassion?

This blog is really about one persons journey to becoming a better person.  Not because I am a bad person, but because I know I can do better.  I choose to do better.  I've been reading a lot about compassion, kindness, love, happiness etc.  There is so much information and points of view out there.  Often it's the same thing just reworked a little differently, perhaps with a different spin to it.  The thing for me is that the message, has to be clear, concise, and simple to grasp, or I'll just lose interest.

Awesome Mount Everest

My top inspiration comes from His Holiness The Dalai Lama.  He is the ultimate embodiment of all things good.  His viewpoints on ways of thinking and living are very clear and concise.  He is able to present his ideas in a straightforward manner that is simple and easy to understand.  I've had the pleasure of reading several books by The Dalai Lama and even attended one of his conferences.
His ideas are where most of this revolution towards being kinder, compassionate, more mindful and aware comes from.  For me, he makes it simple.  However, as with everything, you've got to actually DO  IT to notice a difference.  It is in the 'doing it', the everyday practice that I hate to admit, I fall down at.

Dalai Lama in Portland, Oregon

So I've decided to document my practice to becoming a kinder, more compassionate person as a means of tracking my progress, and holding me accountable to the 'doing it' side of the equation.  It is here that I will contemplate these concepts and discuss 'how I am doing'.

I plan to use this blog to document my thoughts and research on the topic, as well as share how I feel I am actually changing, and what I am doing personally to bring about this change.  What I find myself having to be mindful about, what seems to come more naturally etc.  I hope you come along over the next while and offer me any advice or support you may have.  Thanks!!

Compassion: Why It's Important

What is compassion?  Webster's dictionary defines compassion as:  'Sympathetic consciousness of other's distress together with a desire to alleviate it'.  Why is it important?  Well the Dalai Lama says that having and exercising compassion is a direct link to your own personal happiness; and well, I think he's right.

Photo taken from a Facebook post by FinerMinds

So how does this happen?  Well to be honest I'm not really sure.  But I do know that when I let people aggravate me, I loose my centre.  I'm disgruntled, and a little less happy than I was before.  But if I change my mindset, and think not about my aggravation, but about the circumstances that may have led the other person to behave in a certain manner, then I can overcome my aggravation by beginning to feel a real desire to want the other person to be happy as well.  And guess what - I feel better - happier.

Apparently there is also some scientific evidence about how the brain responds positively when we exercise compassion and generates more positive emotions.  This I can't explain, but again, I believe it to be true.

So being compassionate, and practicing compassion has two positive effects:  I feel happier as a result of it, and others around me will be happier as well, because I have a genuine interest in helping others.