Compassionate Relationships

Recently I read this post and it shocked me.  It shocked me because I saw a little bit of myself in this post, and it didn't make me feel good.  Since reading this, I've tried to be more mindful of these little things that we tend to blow out of proportion, and have a better carefree attitude towards them.  I still catch myself on occasion, or my husband will say something that triggers me to remember my intention, and I will immediately smile, and lighten it up - make a joke about it, and drop 'the rant'.

I haven't mentioned anything to him about my intentional effort to do this. So it's very interesting to see how this tiny change in my behaviour has actually impacted our relationship.  I think he's noticed this shift in my behaviour, and in a very short while, he has also changed.  We argue a little less, we have better conversations, and we share each others thoughts and opinions more.

In one of the Dalai Lama's books, 'The Wisdom of Compassion' a woman had posed a question to the Dalai Lama.  The question was about why we tend to be the worst to the ones that we love the most.  His answer: "We tend to expect too much from the people that are closest to us.  We develop unrealistic expectations and project non-existent qualities onto them.  We should simply accept their flaws.  This lessens potential disappointment and reduces anger".

Once again, I can only say that he is right!!  I fell in love with my husband for a reason.  Over time that reason can get overshadowed by many things in life that are coming at us from everywhere.  It's important to remember what it was that made us fall in love with each other to begin with, and keep it in the forefront, and in sight.  People are always changing and evolving,  What interests us, the things we like to do etc all change.  Some of my changes have had a big impact in the amount of time we spend together.  And I have struggled with that.  But even though we have different interests, he is still the kind, patient, supportive hard working man that he was before.  And he's just as handsome now as the day I met him!!

My husband an I

Relationships are hard, and we have to work at them.  But the more we can accept each other just as we are, and remember to not 'sweat the small stuff', we can cultivate and maintain a healthy loving relationship.

Why Post On Compassion?

This blog is really about one persons journey to becoming a better person.  Not because I am a bad person, but because I know I can do better.  I choose to do better.  I've been reading a lot about compassion, kindness, love, happiness etc.  There is so much information and points of view out there.  Often it's the same thing just reworked a little differently, perhaps with a different spin to it.  The thing for me is that the message, has to be clear, concise, and simple to grasp, or I'll just lose interest.

Awesome Mount Everest

My top inspiration comes from His Holiness The Dalai Lama.  He is the ultimate embodiment of all things good.  His viewpoints on ways of thinking and living are very clear and concise.  He is able to present his ideas in a straightforward manner that is simple and easy to understand.  I've had the pleasure of reading several books by The Dalai Lama and even attended one of his conferences.
His ideas are where most of this revolution towards being kinder, compassionate, more mindful and aware comes from.  For me, he makes it simple.  However, as with everything, you've got to actually DO  IT to notice a difference.  It is in the 'doing it', the everyday practice that I hate to admit, I fall down at.

Dalai Lama in Portland, Oregon

So I've decided to document my practice to becoming a kinder, more compassionate person as a means of tracking my progress, and holding me accountable to the 'doing it' side of the equation.  It is here that I will contemplate these concepts and discuss 'how I am doing'.

I plan to use this blog to document my thoughts and research on the topic, as well as share how I feel I am actually changing, and what I am doing personally to bring about this change.  What I find myself having to be mindful about, what seems to come more naturally etc.  I hope you come along over the next while and offer me any advice or support you may have.  Thanks!!

Compassion: Why It's Important

What is compassion?  Webster's dictionary defines compassion as:  'Sympathetic consciousness of other's distress together with a desire to alleviate it'.  Why is it important?  Well the Dalai Lama says that having and exercising compassion is a direct link to your own personal happiness; and well, I think he's right.

Photo taken from a Facebook post by FinerMinds

So how does this happen?  Well to be honest I'm not really sure.  But I do know that when I let people aggravate me, I loose my centre.  I'm disgruntled, and a little less happy than I was before.  But if I change my mindset, and think not about my aggravation, but about the circumstances that may have led the other person to behave in a certain manner, then I can overcome my aggravation by beginning to feel a real desire to want the other person to be happy as well.  And guess what - I feel better - happier.

Apparently there is also some scientific evidence about how the brain responds positively when we exercise compassion and generates more positive emotions.  This I can't explain, but again, I believe it to be true.

So being compassionate, and practicing compassion has two positive effects:  I feel happier as a result of it, and others around me will be happier as well, because I have a genuine interest in helping others.